i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
