Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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