i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
