I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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