Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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