when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
