i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
