i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
