I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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