Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
