How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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