I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize