The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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