Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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