New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
