Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
