me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize