This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
