You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
