TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The Olympian is in my bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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