Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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