you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
