end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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