How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
