Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize