I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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