oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
