I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
