wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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