I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
