I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
