on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
