Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
