I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize