The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
