I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
