drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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