Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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