did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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