If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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