I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
