I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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