I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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