Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
