Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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