just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
