wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
