she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
