Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
