It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
