Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
