something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
