hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize