I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
