he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
