there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Congratulations! We have a period
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