guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize