it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
