I wannas sexs uuuuu
I looked at my own cervix.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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