Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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