he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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