My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
