Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
