Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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