I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
