My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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