he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
