So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
