We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
