So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
