You smell like stripper and shame
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
