Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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