If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
