He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
