So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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