Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize