I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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