i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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