I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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