wanna go halves on a baby?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
