This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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