if i can run in heels then i can drive
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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