I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
