They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
