The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
