im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
