Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
