Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
