her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
