are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
