I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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