Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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