She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
