Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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