Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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