Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
