sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
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