he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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