why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
