Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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