ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
