So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
how does that bad decision feel?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
