Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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