Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
