Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
