my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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