Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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