i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have feelings that need drinking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
