Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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