when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
