Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
bring money and cleavage
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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