I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
