just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
